A bad judge of people, Am I?

A friend of mine from college really started rubbing it in about an incident and it got me thinking about this. So here’s the story..

There was this person in college whom I really wanted to be friends with. And I would hang out with this person a lot. Let’s call him/her ‘Z’. I felt really comfortable when I was with ‘Z’. Particularly because I thought ‘Z’ was one person I could rely on. Also, whenever I had a problem, ‘Z’ would hear me out.

But somehow it was always ME, who was going up to ‘Z’ and never ‘Z’ coming up to me. ME calling up ‘Z’ and never ‘Z’ calling me up. But I tried to ward off that feeling.

But then, ‘Z’ somehow became a part of this group and they just wanted to be with themselves. No one could have an entry into this group. And the feeling became stronger.

Slowly, I felt that maybe ‘Z’ was hearing me out and being nice to me, not because ‘Z’ considered me as a friend, but just because ‘Z’ didn’t want to be rude.

I was really hurt when this realization dawned on me. And decided I would let go. Only to realize that I was right all along. It didn’t matter to ‘Z’ whether I existed or not.

When the friend of mine started making fun of this fact, all the memories came flooding back to me and I started wondering why the hell did I even want to be friends with ‘Z’.

Am I such a bad judge of people to not understand the difference between people who care about me, and people who don’t give a damn!

Feeling a bit low, coz someone who I 'thought' was a friend didn’t turn out to be one, but more so because someone who I 'think' is a friend, is taking a lot of pleasure in rubbing it in.

Writing so much these days that I find it hard to believe.
But the contentment on writing a good piece cannot be described!

On friendship!

Friendship is one subject I find really difficult to write about. I don’t know why. I have always wondered if I had any real friends. Friends who really care about me. And I have been disappointed many a times.

I remember an incident that happened couple of days back. There were just 6 of us in the hostel. The rest had gone home. I go to one of the rooms at 7 in the evening and realise that they had just come back from somewhere. So this is how the conversation goes..

Me: hey..did u go out somewhere?
S: Ya..we went to ------- .
Me: Who all?
S: 5 of us.
.
.
.
S: Oh, sorry we forgot you were there.

Thats the problem with people..they forget.. they forget that you exist!

But they will not forget you exist when they need notes or photocopies or textbooks.

Incidents like this make me wonder.
They make me wonder if there is something called friendship. I know its a very small incident but I have been through some pretty tough times all by myself. When people have later come and told me, I thought it'll be better to leave you alone for sometime.
When I needed them the most, there has not been one person who held my hand and said, "Dont worry,I'm with you"

When I see friends look out for each other..where one gets worried if the other has a slight fever. Where one comes to know..if the other takes a deep breath. I wonder why I couldnt get good friends like that. And I dont really have an answer.

I'm reminded of my birthday..which generally turns out to be the worst day of the year for me..because thats the day I realise how many friends I have..I remember how I thought my so called friends had arranged for a cake for me in the same manner how a birthday was celebrated in hostel just 2 days prior to mine.You cant imagine how much it hurt when I realised that noone had bothered.
And how much it hurt when X asked me the next day,What was special.
Sorry to disappoint you, but nothing was! I'm still waiting for that one, so called "Happy" birthday.

I think I better stop writing before I bum you guys out.
Dont take this post too seriously..Just feeling a little let down.

Dear god,

Work's been great so far..Please let it stay that way!

Amen!

Dance Like Noone's Watching You.

It really amazes me sometimes as to how much I love dancing.
Also how grossly unaware people are of this fact.
I mean I don't think there's ever been a day when I haven't been choreographing steps in my head.
If you ask me whats the one thing that would make my life bliss..it would be joining salsa classes..I would really be LIVING life then!

Ah..distant dream!

Absent minded Professor!

I've become such an absent minded professor these days. Wondering whats the reason behind it..

I get hiccups and ask for a glass of water not noticing the glass right in front of me.

I enter a store and leave my bag at the baggage counter only to feverently search for it in the store 20 mins later thinking..

"Oh SHIT..i lost my bag..where is it..where is it..someone flicked it..Noooooo"

and then go.."oh,its at the counter na..hehehe..silly me"

Little known secret..shhhh..

How to know something has majorly affected me..

My music listening pattern changes!

Pehla Din

College reopened..Was Theek thaak..Nothing great..
Funny characteristics i've always noticed on the 1st day..
-No one's bored of lectures (or so I think!).
-Hordes of students in the library..reading Newspapers !!!
-Everyone want to issue an "intelligent" book which the professor recommends.
-Over interactive people in the new professor's class.

I'm pretty upset about a couple of things though :( *sob*

P.S-Will not be posting for a while..MBA is not halwa you know! :p